Jimmy Fallon had a good crop last night:
- Donald Trump is on the show tonight, and I’m not saying security is tight, but the Secret Service just built a giant wall around the building — we had to pay for it!
- Right after giving a speech, no matter where he is, Trump likes to fly back that night to sleep here in New York. Although sometimes when he’s really tired, he’ll just buy a hotel.
- Over the weekend, Bernie Sanders said that if he’s elected, he plans to spend $1 trillion to fight unemployment. When asked what they would do with that kind of money, unemployed people said, “Retire!”
- Republican candidates aired a dozen new TV ads last week, even though recent data has shown that TV ads are mostly ineffective. Chris Christie was like, “If TV ads aren’t effective, why do I keep going to Wendy’s for their Gouda Bacon Cheeseburger, here ONLY for a limited time?”
- During a Donald Trump rally yesterday, a man was kicked out for yelling, “This is boring.” The man then went to a Jeb Bush rally and realized he owed Trump an apology.
- The White House revealed over the weekend that President Obama privately met with Bernie Sanders. And when she heard this, Hillary Clinton fake-smiled so hard, her ears touched in the back.
- Dennis Hof, the owner of Nevada’s famous Bunny Ranch Brothel, has announced he will run for Senate in 2016. Even though the only experience he has with politicians is telling them to “come back soon!”
Article written by: Tom White