Category Archives: white

Late Night Shows Political Jokes

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

  • Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea.
  • Yesterday, President Obama announced his plans to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Not to be outdone, Donald Trump announced that he wants to open a CHAIN of Guantanamo Bays. “One on every corner. They’ll be like the Starbucks of detention centers.”
  • NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration. Then people said, “Nah, we just wanna get off the planet before this election.”
  • Hasbro announced they are making a new version of Monopoly to appeal to a younger generation. That means it won’t come with any cash, so you’ll have to borrow some from your parents’ Monopoly set.

Conan

  • Although she herself is an immigrant, Donald Trump’s wife Melania says she is fine with her husband’s tough anti-immigration stance. When asked why, Mrs. Trump said she had about 4.5 billion reasons.
  • After he won yesterday’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump said, “I love the poorly educated.” Trump then said, “And when I’m president there’ll be more of them than ever.”
  • Wealthy GOP donors are now lining up behind Marco Rubio. Not because the donors think he can stop Trump, but because they think Rubio is the valet.
  • Hillary came to Los Angeles and she visited the set of the political drama “Scandal.” There was an awkward moment when Hillary told the writers, “Man, have I got some ideas for you.”
  • Despite Jeb Bush’s poor campaign, some analysts are already talking about the political rise of his son, George P. Bush. George P. Bush has already got his campaign slogan: “Don’t Worry I Was Adopted.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

  • Trump won the Nevada caucuses in every demographic last night. He won white men, white women, white rich people, and white poor people. Rural whites, urban whites. He got one vote from a Chinese guy, which was nice.
  • Trump even won the Latino vote. Which is amazing. It makes me wonder if people really come here from Mexico for a better life or if they come to get away from their relatives. Maybe they want the wall to keep their in-laws out.
  • Dr. Ben Carson finished a distant fourth in Nevada. He only got 5 percent of the vote. But for some reason he’s still not dropping out. He’s promised to continue on. He said, “I believe that things are starting to happen here.” You know it’s time to drop out when it has been weeks since Donald Trump even bothered to call you a moron.
  • I was thinking about why Ben Carson is still running today and my first guess is he’s retired and he’s bored. He has $10 million in the bank. Why not run? But there’s another possibility. Maybe he’s sleepwalking.

Article written by: Tom White

Democrat Debate Coverage: The Perfect Commercials for the Democratic Debates

Drudge has a headline up calling the Democratic Debates held last night Circus Circus.

Did you watch them? I tried. Honestly I did. But what we saw was a stage full of old white people who were all trying to see how much money they could promise to pass out to buy votes. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the following quote (which is probably misquoted and mis-attributed to de Tocqueville)

quote-the-american-republic

But whoever said this of Congress didn’t watch last night’s debate.

I also noticed that inflation has hit the world of buying votes with the public’s money and these losers not only promise to take taxpayer money and redistribute it for votes, they plan to rob businesses and force them to pay up as well. Massive mandates on businesses will be a boon for workers right up until the businesses go out of business.

But the one thing I was thinking as I watch the few minutes that I was able to watch before the nausea became too much is that Capitalism had a brilliant opportunity to sell some product last night with commercials. The average age of the Democrat contenders is almost 69. Hags and shriveled up old white people are all the party has left in the bull pen. (Although bull – something else – is more appropriate.)

So as my mind wandered from the mindless drivel just before I changed the channel, I began thinking of ads that should be run to maximize obscene profits for some corporations. Age appropriate, of course.

Depends undergarments was an obvious choice. Can you think of more?

 

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But most of all, Bernie Sanders reminded me of the infamous Farting Man of Youtube fame. You will never look at Bernie the same after watching this.

Thus ends my coverage of the Democratic Debates.


Article written by: Tom White