SURVEILLANCE REPORT

The JOE and DON TAPES: TUE, SEP 22, 2020

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TRANSCRIPTION:

(Phone Chirping, “HAIL THE CHIEF”)

DON: Hello?

JOE: Yeah, Don, it’s me.

DON: Go on?

JOE: Listen, I’m doing everything I can to make sure I’m not elected. I can’t win, man. Not possible, Americans are morons but they’re not stupid.

DON: Go on?

JOE: Yeah, got the stars and celebs out of their minds, the anchors in meltdown–ya’ll should see Lemon, he be a fricking basket-case, man, c’mon man—and the mobs are coming in by bus and plane.

DON: Oh?

JOE: Yeah, I even got George and Bloomie to pay the bills for it all.

DON: Uh-huh.

JOE: Hey, yo, come on, man: I get the feeling you’re not hip to my jive. Wanna borrow my comb or something?

DON: No, actually, I want nothing to do with you or this, Hair Plugs.

JOE: Hey Alligator! Ya’ll want me to see you later? I mean—like, ya’ll—what about me on the SCOTUS? Can you dig it, man?

DON: (CLICK….)

JOE: Hello? Hello? Hey, come on man….? Y’all? Alligator? Heh-ro Rorge?

…bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

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THIS HAS BEEN A PARODY; SATIRE

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